Visiting friends and family over the holiday season can be a time to reconnect with those we haven’t been in touch with much throughout the year. Visits can be enjoyed and appreciated, but they can also add additional demands and stress to already overwhelmed family caregivers and care recipients who are frail, elderly or ill. Whether you are visiting someone else or others are coming to your home, or whether the visit is for an evening or for an extended stay, here are some tips to help reduce stress and allow everyone to enjoy this time together.

If you are the primary family caregiver, and hosting the visit:

• Let visitors know in advance what to expect. If they have not visited in a while, prepare them for any changes in the care recipient's health, behaviour or appearance.
• Explain your daily routine, and let them know the best time to visit.
• Ask for and accept help. Make a list of what needs to be done. If someone asks what they can do to help, respond with specific requests. Focus on people’s strengths. Some visitors are happy to help with personal care, while others would prefer to grocery shop or clean the gutters.
• Allow others to share in the caregiving. This can give you a break. Allow them to contribute, and give the care recipient an opportunity to interact with someone new.
• Don’t feel you have to “entertain” your visitors. Sometimes simply spending time together is enough.
• Remember to take time to have some fun, share and laugh too.

If you are the visitor:

• Make arrangements well in advance. Even if you are only coming for a short visit, call ahead to ask the caregiver what time would be best. When is everyone’s energy strongest? When are people resting?
• For longer visits, ask whether it would be better to stay with them or elsewhere.
• Resist the urge to advise the caregiver about what they should be doing differently. Remember what happens during your visit may not be the same as day-to-day care. Often the ill person will rally forth when visitors come.
• Plan to visit in small groups for short periods, so that neither the caregiver nor care recipient becomes too exhausted.
• Offer to help with chores, errands or other holiday-specific tasks, such as shopping, baking and decorating.
• Allow the caregiver to get away and have some free time. Perhaps give him or her a gift of a lunch out, a trip to the spa or a chance to attend some holiday events.
• Express your appreciation to the family caregivers. Simple recognition of their time and effort may be enough to make caregivers feel more appreciated and help them stay strong, healthy and better able to continue to provide care.

Next month: The Importance of Empathy in Caregiving

DECEMBER 2010 SENIOR LIVING MAGAZINE VANCOUVER ISLAND
DECEMBER 2010 SENIOR LIVING MAGAZINE VANCOUVER & LOWER MAINLAND