Anxiety is always in the air as soon as the air begins to crisp and the skies turn grey. The trees undress as the falling leaves, like sand in an hourglass, count down the days until... dun, dun, dunnnn- the ‘holiday’ season. Now don’t get me wrong – I am no Grinch. I love annoying coworkers with Christmas carols on repeat, overdosing on sugar cookies and all the ‘togetherness’ and joy just as much as the next person. And to my neighbours' despair, I have even been known to keep my Christmas lights up weeks after - out of my overwhelming holiday ‘spirit’ – and surely not laziness. But I have come to a realization, despite my attempts at denial, that I am a horrible gift giver. Every year as I battle my way through the event filled holiday season, I have grown accustomed to the wavering smiles of disappointment that are triggered by my carefully selected yet apparently lackluster gift failures.

Luckily, this year I’ve formulated a foolproof strategy. One word: Wine. Wine is perfect for all those holiday dinners and office parties, birthdays and anniversaries, promotions, etc. It is a great gift for your special someone, your close friends, your family members, your boss and colleagues - even that stranger which you have just met and know nothing about.

But with my new-found projected success in holiday gift giving, a new obstacle appears – I know absolutely nothing about wine. I don’t know how to pair wine with food, I don’t know the differences in acidity and I have no idea how much I should spend on a bottle. Merlot, Chardonnay, Pinot Noir... and don’t even get me started on how to even pronounce Sauvignon Blanc?? So for all you wine newbies like myself, I have created a quick ‘Wine Guide for Dummies’ so you can dazzle dinner guests with great wine pairings and so you can use words like “tangy and zingy” and actually sound sophisticated.

RED & WINE 101

The main difference in the production of wine between red and white is:

• RED WINE - the juice includes the skins, stems and seeds of red and black grapes.

• WHITE WINE -  any colour grape can be selected but only the clear juice of the grape is used.

Red wines are also typically heavier than whites and whites are typically sweeter than Reds. Sparkling wine is prepared in a way that produces carbon dioxide and originates from the Champagne region of France (cue in why we call it Champagne).

Tannin in Wine
Tannins, coming from the stalks, skins and pips of grapes, are a vital ingredient in wine. In a young wine they produce a bitter taste on your palette which grows to be more subtle as it ages.

Acidity in Wine
Acids are extremely essential in the longevity and taste of each wine on the mouth’s palette. The higher the acidity, the more tart and sour. The lower the acidity, the quicker the wine will spoil and the more flat tasting. Acid, under the right balance, will actually bring out all the other flavours in the wine – fruit, nut and spice notes. When describing the acidity of your chosen wine, use words like “tangy, sharp, refreshing, bracing, bright, crisp and zingy” to really impress – throw in “nutty and oaky” if you’re really on a roll.

Wine Vintage
Vintage refers to the year that the wine was produced. As we all know, weather is unstable and certain seasons/years are more cooperative than others. Quality of wine is almost directly associated with the weather conditions in which it was manufactured so if you are looking for a great vintage wine, do a quick Google search on which years were good conditions in relation to wine. For example, 1990 is believed to have been a good year all around for wine production. Older wine does not mean it is automatically better than newer – especially if the vintage was bad.

Foods
Pairing wine with food is an art in itself and some people have even created careers for themselves just perfecting this practice. Here are some basics. Red wine is typically paired with red meats, pasta and heartier meals. White wines are known to be good with chicken and fish dishes. Strong tasting flavours with high notes of acid and bitterness will usually go well with light reds or whites. Rich foods, high in creaminess and cheese are best to be paired with full bodied wines with high tannins in order to balance it out. To take it a little further, here are some examples:

As you can see, there is no single rule to pairing wine. In order to correctly pair wine with a meal you have to take sauces, dressings, spices, herbs and even how the food is prepared into consideration. It can get complicated pretty quickly. When you purchase a bottle of wine, most labels will give suggestions and hints to follow but half the fun is trying combinations and finding what works for you.

Price
How much to spend as a gift? Depends - buying wine can definitely deplete your bank account pretty quickly if you’re not careful as it is not uncommon for someone to spend $80 and up on a single bottle. If you are like me and this sounds incredibly insane to you, I like to opt out and go for the cheaper versions. More expensive, does not necessarily mean better – and that’s not just an excuse I have been telling my frugal self. Of course if you are picking up wine for someone that you would like to impress, such as a boss, that $9.99 bottle might not cut it. A quick savior of yours – with reference to what we have just gone over – will be your ability to customize your wine choice to your recipient. Find out the dietary habits of the person in question and make a choice based on that. Make some funny personalized wine labels that jokingly match the flavours to the person (ie: bitter, sweet, sour) – this is sure to make them laugh and impress them with your knowledge. And if you are still stuck with making a choice, try opting into a “Wine of the Month” club for that special person. Most liquor depots will have different packages, based on price and length of term, for you to choose from.

So as the holiday gift giving season rears its little head, I take solace in my perfect standardized yet customized gift giving strategy and say goodbye to awkward pauses and forced ‘thank yous’. And as John Milton once SAID, "Wine, one sip of this will bathe the dropping spirits in delight beyond the bliss of dreams" - I'll definitely cheers to that!